ALPHA DOG SMILE *a birthday gift*

 

**November 29th, 2022**

I can say that this date holds a lot of stories. To give you some context, my smile hasn’t been the same since that day. I had an experience that changed me, making me a better person, and every time I share this story, I feel grateful. I love myself more, and I’m thankful that I had the patience and calmness to make decisions during that moment.

It was a Tuesday afternoon, and my two siblings and I, who shared a rented house in Jimbaran, had decided to take a day off to celebrate my sister Angel’s 30th birthday. Angel is the best person I know—no one in the world is as wonderful as she is. She always puts us and her friends first.

And, I have a habit of feeding stray dogs on my days off, and that was one of the plans for the day, along with celebrating Angel’s birthday with sushi in Kuta. Feeding stray dogs has been a routine ever since I first arrived in Bali. Back then, I didn’t have friends or know where to go to relax, so I would feed stray dogs around Kuta Beach and Jerman Beach, near the airport. Although I didn’t do it often and usually went alone, sometimes I’d bring Angel along. For me, feeding stray dogs doesn’t require wealth, only time and love. Even now, with many friends and a new family, it’s a habit that’s hard to break. I don’t even have to go to the beach; sometimes there are stray dogs around residential areas and villas.

So, on that day, I set out before noon, with a kilo of dry dog food, leaving the house for a while to complete my plan. Not far from the house, I encountered some stray dogs I knew well. I quickly fed them, knowing I didn’t want to be gone too long because I was excited to celebrate with Angel and my brother Bill.

Soon, more dogs gathered around, all friendly because they were used to me feeding them. While playing with them and recording a video, I noticed a strange dog approaching from a distance. Unaware that it was an alpha dog, I continued focusing on the other dogs.

Then, suddenly, it attacked. The dog charged from close range, jumped up, opened its mouth, and bit my face. Shocked, I froze; my head fell to the ground. The other dogs barked but didn’t attack the alpha; it only wanted me. The smell of its breath, its saliva, and its furious eyes—I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. I blinked a few times, trying to think, and then quickly decided to throw the remaining dry food far away.

The alpha dog immediately let go and ran toward the food. I staggered to my feet, grabbed my phone, and called my sister to pick me up, snapping a few photos as evidence. I thought I should report the accident to work and let a few people know I was in a serious condition.

The alpha dog was nowhere to be seen. Two minutes later, my siblings arrived at the scene, both in tears, while I laughed.

“Why are you crying? Let’s go to the hospital or a clinic. Come on.”

“What happened? How did you get bitten?” my sister asked.

“I’ll explain later. Let’s go.”

 

I got on my brother’s motorbike and directed him to Udayana Hospital in Jimbaran. Blood from my lip was already dripping down to my neck, staining my clothes. To be honest, I didn’t know why the dog attacked me.

At Udayana Hospital, it was quiet and bright. I wore a mask and asked for immediate attention, hoping they’d act quickly so I could calm my crying sister. I wasn’t panicked; I’ve dealt with blood before and am used to accidents. This wasn’t even my first dog bite. My sister, on the other hand, needed to calm down because I couldn’t reassure her much with my mouth bleeding, torn.

The receptionist nurse quickly took action, asking me a few questions and guiding me to the hospital restroom to wash out my mouth with detergent. Yes, detergent. I wasn’t surprised; the first step after a bite from a wild animal is to wash the area with soap. The tear on my lip, initially only 2 cm, widened as the nurse cleaned it. My smile disappeared, and panic set in once my sister was out of sight.

I cried, clutching my torn lip by the hospital sink. The pain was intense, like a hard punch. I screamed while the nurse said this had to be done immediately to prevent rabies. Memories of my father’s sister, who died from a dog bite twenty years ago, came back, and I decided to follow the nurse’s instructions.

After changing into a hospital gown, I was asked to lie down, my head pounding from blood loss. Shortly, a doctor arrived with several medical students. They observed and discussed me as an example of “HOW TO SUTURE A FACE AREA THAT’S ALWAYS EXPOSED TO SALIVA.”

My face had lost its original form; now, the goal was to put it back together. The doctor spoke with me briefly, and I remember showing my sister my favorite photo of myself, typing a message on my phone and handing it to him: “Doctor, this is my smile—I want it back.”

 

*THE SMILE THAT I WANTED TO KEEP FOREVER*

He smiled and explained the local anesthesia procedure. I trusted him completely, because not only did I want my lip stitched as it was, but I also wanted to preserve one of the few memories I have of my late mother. She and I were often called twins, sharing the same face shape, nose, hair, personality, and sense of humor. One thing that made me feel close to her was my smile. Although I’d forgotten her voice after her passing, my playful, charming smile brought her memory back in me.

As the doctor operated, I lay there, my face covered with a cloth, listening to the medical team’s voices. At the same time, I prayed and wondered if this was my karma, if my actions had led to this. I thought about how I’d look if my face bore 38 stitches around my lips and eyes. I drifted off to sleep, worn out by blood loss and endless thoughts.

 

An hour and a half later, the doctor finished, gave quiet instructions to the nurse, and left with the students. I was told to rest for an hour while my sister handled the paperwork. I was honestly scared—how much would this surgery cost? And my health insurance didn’t cover it. I later found out that my sister had borrowed from her coworker to pay for everything. we never talk about it ever again, because she never wanted to mentioned it.

After that, we all went home from the hospital, and our planned sushi party was canceled. In the end, we had porridge instead, and I relaxed and calmly told them what had happened. They could laugh because I was also laughing at myself.

It took about a week with various treatments and alternative medicine before my stitches could be removed. And this was the moment—the moment of my greatest fear.

Would my smile still be the same? Would I still be able to laugh?

And of course, I was very wrong.

Thanks to prayers and the help of the doctor, my smile returned, as did my loud laughter. Everyone around me was happy again, especially my older sister, who had been constantly worried about me but also supporting . It was truly wonderful yet traumatizing experience.

 

If you’re all wondering if I became traumatized by dogs afterward, the answer is no. 

I am even more eager to feed them, love them and hug them.

I keep wanting to do good because I believe this is a lesson. This is a memory. My smile is also for them. If I can still feed stray dogs, I will keep doing it.

In my view, the stray dogs in Bali are a result of some people trying to control other living beings, as if only we humans possess reason and wisdom, only we have feelings of love and depression. Some threats against stray dogs in Bali come from the stereotype that we, as Eastern people, kill any stray dog to consume, as well as from breeders who are irresponsible.

Through my small actions, I don’t seek applause or praise; I hope there will be people with financial resources and understanding who see that stray dogs and other living beings deserve not to be ignored.

If you have a dog, love them. I don’t have a dog now because I can’t give all my time and love. But I will never harm them, even though one of them left a scar on my face.

Great strength comes from a belief in kindness.

I have been able to rise again, and now everyone is praising my smile once more.

And that’s enough.

* my forever favourite girl - Nara *